Long time no write....I was looking through some old papers the other night and found something I had written way back in August of 2007. Back in August of 2007 things weren't real good. Things basically were in turmoil and lots of high drama and stress. I wanted to share what I wrote.

August 3, 2007
I have come to realize that blaming others is easier to do than accepting my own short comings, insecurities, and fear. Even if others are making things difficult for me in my marriage, business, friendships, and relationship with God. Because of my arrogance and blindness of my own actions, I have decided to blame instead of seeing that I have lost closeness with God. How can I handle situations or feel good about myself if I am not comfortable with who and what God is? Or what he is able to do? What has happened to my faith? When did I decide to try things on my own again? Do I just have a surface faith and not really believe in my own knowledge and experiences of what God has done for me? It is time to turn back to what I know to be true. It is time to live like I want instead of what I get manipulated into. I have to be who I am, and that might not fit into others plans, but too bad! I am tired of being hurt and feeling helpless. If someone is not good for me, then goodbye. It doesn't matter who it is. It is time to be the man God desires me to be. It is time for me to desire what God wants for me. Otherwise the hell with it all and live however I want. I am not down with that, so it leaves me one option....God's way! No more walking the fence, no more compromising. It is time for a new beginning, no matter how painful it may be.

After I read that, I remembered writing it. I remembered feeling very helpless and frustrated that I couldn't pull it together. I also remember praying hard and asking God to just take control and help me let go of control. That has been 2 years ago. It seems longer.... much longer. So much has happened since then. So much good, many blessings, alot of growth. Everything in my life is good. Marriage is awesome, kids are such an amazing gift, business is recovering and doing well. Life is good. The only thing that I can attribute it all to is God. Those feelings I had when I wrote that in 2007 are gone. No resentment, no harbored anger, nothing. It is like a distant memory, a long ago story that happened to someone else. God is so good.

I guess I felt compelled to share that because as I have learned over life, many people struggle with alot of junk and never tell a soul about it. People are so protective of their stuff. I am not saying vomit everything to everyone. I am just saying always be ready to be open and honest and help someone if you can. I am a firm believer of things happen for a reason. I believe God does two things. One is God will put you in situations to help others. You just have to be ready and open enough to do it. Secondly, God will use your stupid, bad decision making past as a way to make you useful. (see reason number one.)

So, I hope that window into what I shared might help someone with something going on in life. If not, you can rejoice with me about how God still loves us and is always ready to forgive and begin a new you.